A Gift of Love

Family:
1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head.
2. a group of persons of common ancestry.
3. a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation.

The true definition of this word is different for each individual and depends greatly upon the circumstances in which they lived and grew.

The last year has been tumultuous for many people I love and has rocked the very foundation of their beliefs in this word where they exist. Whether it is by divorce, death, treachery, denial, secrets, half truths, abuse (physical and mental) or health it seems the ones I love are going through extreme pain and suffering in the deepest places of their fragile hearts and imperfect bodies.

I have avoided postings on this subject since it seems I often struggle for the words to convey the strong feelings of protection and compassion in my heart but at some point it's good to just get it out. Even if it’s just a small part of what I think and feel.

I have come to the realization that there are times when you simply can not "fix" things. Nor can you give the correct "advice." You can listen, you can give your opinion when asked for it, you can offer support and unwavering love but the painful path they must travel is their own.

Recovery:
1. The act, process, duration, or an instance of recovering.
2. A return to a normal condition

What is your definition of this word? What is the expectation of things to pass when its completion is attained? Is there a completion? Is there a moment when you cross the ribbon like a runner with your arms held high above your head and you say "I did it, I made it. I got through it."

What makes one person come to accept what is beyond their control and move above it and forward in their own life and yet another anguish in despair forever because events can not be changed? It's not unlike a child that has been molested. Some, unfortunately, end up molesting their own children. Some do, some don't. The truth of that mystery is what escapes understanding. Why can some heal and others not?

Please, you may never be able to accept what has happened in your life completely, but you can accept that you are going to have to find a way to go on.

Each person’s pain is their own and each will deal with it in their own way. It is not up to another to judge the extent of their pain or the length of time in which they have to feel it. Nor do they have the right to even define it by their own life experiences.

I am amazed at the "high and mighty" attitude that some people can inflict on others. Who died and made you God? That's what I would like to ask a few individuals. Where is your compassion, your empathy, your love?

They say that the strongest bond of love is between a parent and a child. That comment is only true if the parent had the right to be a parent in the first place. The "bad parents" are the ones that make a mockery out of the true nature and feelings of the word family. Like a doctor with an oath to uphold, a parent should "do no harm." Sadly, this often is not the case. A marriage vow should be as intended, "until death do us part." How sad that it is the exception if you can make it that far. On the other hand a spouse should never harm their partner, physically or mentally. Love will not suffer all, you have the right to step away from what was once Love into safety and eventual happiness. Integrity, truthfulness, "doing the right thing" should be the norm. Instead, broken families, broken lives, broken hearts and broken spirits are left in the wake of selfishness, dominance, and insanity.

God and religion may be your safe harbor or you may turn all your grief and rage into anger towards him. Your beliefs are your own. No one has the right to tell you what is right for you. No one has the right to judge you. You may not believe in God at all. What you choose to believe and take comfort in is your right as a human being. My beliefs do not have to agree with yours.

To those that touch my life and my thoughts on a daily basis:

I love you. I applaud your strength, your character, your compassion, your spirit. You are courageous by simply being who you are and being alive today. I am here for you. Do not hide behind your pain. Show it for its harsh and raw reality, it is yours to own. It is real. No one has the right to judge you for dealing with it privately or publicly.

You have had parent's that did not deserve you. You have had spouses that did not deserve you. You have been through things that no one will understand. You have had lives that were taken away from you or lost that should not have been.

You are right, it is not fair. Feel your pain if the day dictates that, but do not feel guilty when your day is free from it. It will ebb and flow through your lives like the ocean. When you need me I am here. Remember that I love you for who you truly are and I thank you for trusting me with the most intimate pains of your heart.

You are never alone...

Friend:
1. One attached to another by affection or esteem.