Out of the mouth of Boo

So I was picking up Brody from school today when his teacher stopped me and said "oh, I have the funniest story to tell you!"

"oh great" I thought, what now?

It seems that Boo had a classroom helper today and being the expert conversationalist that he is began asking lots of questions like "are you married?", "do you have kids?" "boys or girls?" (they both happened to be boys)


Seems harmless enough at this point doesn't it?

His next question was "Do you still have all of your girl parts? Because if you do you could have another baby and this time it could be a girl. My mom doesn't have her girl parts anymore so she cant have any more babies!"

Insert very red Mommy face at this moment.......

His teacher found it hysterical. Assured me that the classroom helper found it very funny too. I on the other hand felt a horrid flush in my cheeks and in my mind kept thinking (as I was nervously laughing) TMI BRODY! TMI BRODY!

So there. The entire classroom, and no doubt everyone else these two wonderful woman speak to today (and possible for years because you know how the "kid" stories get passed around) know that I no longer have all my baby making female anatomy.

I distinctly remember wanting my child to talk.........
Children are born to keep us humble.

A Story for Janet

There are moments in every mother's life that make her stop and want to scream
"CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!"

I had one of those moments tonight. Janet, this story is for you. I know how much you miss my daily shenanigans with my kids.

Let's preface this with the fact that my energy reserves are gone and I asked my Mom to help me take the kids to the grocery store today since my hubby is working.... (read: I was tired before I began.)

Brody would rather have every tooth in his mouth extracted than to be forced to go grocery shopping. So, if we make him go (little Angel that he is) he comforts himself by torturing his brother and thereby annoying me in the hopes that I will give up and leave him home next time. Ding Ding, sorry Son but Mom will win this fight, you will learn to tolerate shopping!

Anyway, we shop, we survive, we make it home. I drop Mom and groceries off at her house and on the way to mine I am thinking "All I have to do is make it home, put the perishables away, find my jammies and sit like a stoned carrot on the couch for the next hour until bed time".

Nice plan in theory. I take the kids in, quickly take the dogs out, put Brody in the shower, turn on the TV for Tristian so I can unload the trunk, (this all in the first three minutes! Whoo hoo I am doing good! Jammies are a breath away.)

I have the trunk open. It's dark. We are in an apartment complex parking lot. I am making my way the considerable distance between my covered parking and my house door and I look up....

Here is Tristian (twenty feet from the house) Naked. Holding something in his hands, crying. He has left the doors open and the dogs are now running through the busy parking lot. "OH LORD what do I do now?"

(INSERT CALGON COMMENT)

The next few minutes were a fuzzy blur of running, yelling, crying, lunging for dogs, carrying a child and a bag of groceries (only lost five of the eggs) strategic offerings of treats for the puppies...

I get to the door and it dawns on me that Tristian had something in his hands. The smell in the air is not good....but I ignore it, deposit him inside the safety of our home, get the dogs, toss them into the kennel, falling against the door in a huff. Puppies are now yelping for promised treats. I access the situation....

Tristian explains, through sobs, that his brand new Levi's are a button and not a snap and that he couldn't find me and had an "akserdent". He is horrified and humiliated because, as we all know, you don't have "akserdent's" when you are five. The smell now registers to my senses. (There goes my jammie fantasy) I deposit the child in the shower, clean up the significant mess that unfortunately gravitated out of the bedroom and into most every room in my house and half of the sidewalk. (Sorry Trisitan, this is a story Mom must tell, eventually you will get over the embarrassment, you are only five) I finally have everything clean and I am pondering how he got the jeans off if he couldn't undo the button hence the reason for the "akserdent". The food is put away. Dogs are finally snoring. Tristian is consoling himself in bed with his blankie and his stuffed support group.

I Look over at Brody who has been helpfully (and thankfully) silent on the couch watching cartoons during the mayhem. I fall into the couch, he looks over at me and says "see what happens when you make me go shopping?"

Ok Boo, you win round one.......

Say Goodbye....

There are many things in my life that I tell myself not to take for granted. Now I have to add my hair to that list. I know, I have been struggling with this for some time. I wish I could be one of those woman that just shaves it off and proudly struts around in quirky coolness but that just not me.

No, I had to take off from work on a Friday and cry for several days in "hair mourning". Thank you Daddy for coming to the house and entertaining the kids while I wallowed in my misery. Thank you to my husband who says I will still be his super sexy wife even if I am bald.

Strange, but instead of the methotrexate making it fall out in clumps, as I had been expecting, it has actually changed the texture of the hair and it is simply breaking away (almost melting). It reminds me of a little old lady that has had one too many kinky poodle perms. If it had been just in the back I could have cut it all off short but its the front that is simply gone. I am starting to remind myself of Homer Simpson. (not a good thing) No little hairs even in the skin in places.

Anyway, I am done crying. I will make a hair appointment next week and whack it all off and the next time "HAIR" comes up in my blog it will be to show off several new wigs. Red or Blond, Short or long, Strait or Curly? Your guess is as good as mine. If I can find that confident quirky Gwen that is hiding underneath a blanket of misery at the moment, I just might buy one of each and change my hair as often as my eye shadow.


Women are vain creatures by nature so I will allow myself a little misery.... "Sniffle" At least I still have eye brows and eyelashes!

Great News

My sister Leslie and her partner Tony Baylinson have a new blog up and running in which they will post pictures from their recent trip to Africa. Those of you who know me well know how excited I am to see all of the pictures and the stories that are sure to come. I thought that you might enjoy seeing them with me as they trickle in. Thank goodness that she is out of the hospital and that the malaria scare is over. She is doing fine! Nothing like a little presumed brush with mortality (even if it's not your own) to get yourself out of the funk you've been in all week.

My kids think that it's unbelievably cool that she is petting a rhino!

For the unskilled blogger (yes, that's you babe....) just click the white link above that says "GREAT NEWS" and it will take you to their site.

The Age of Oprah

Ok, I am in a melancholy and irritated mood. I think I need a glass of wine but unfortunately "medication" has made that an issue so instead I will vent a little...

I may have continued down the road that is my adult life in basic blissful ignorance of self awareness if it were not for the Oprah's and Dr. Phil's of the world.

Believe it or not, I find myself feeling guilty for not allotting more time in my busy schedule for self motivation, healing and inner reflection.

I have been guilty more than a few times of opening up the current months Oprah magazine (to find the single page pull out of inner reflective opportunity) and analyzed my life while in line at the local grocery store while my children fidget uncontrollably and stare longingly at the rows of shiny candy wrappers.

I am happy were my life is at. I feel at peace. I, like most people, try to continually better myself. BUT I think that there can be self scrutiny overload. When do we get to sit back and coast emotionally in the world today? When are we not reminded moment by moment through TV, Radio, Magazines and Billboards that we are lacking in something. Get the better job, the better car, the better body, the better sex life, better car insurance, medication for the voices in our heads...

Somewhere between becoming my own therapist and motivational speaker I have also become my own worse enemy and started counting off all of my perceived failures and lost opportunities. Nothing like an eight and a half by eleven glossy magazine pull out to make you stop and rethink your whole life. Sorry Oprah but your team of physiatrists that sit around the boardroom table contemplating how they can make people cry each month can choke on their bagel for all I care.

Let me ask you, who can emotionally handle doing that each month much less find the time to do it? I have come to a breaking point.

I have gathered my Dr. Phil books and Oprah pullouts and I am headed for the compactor. Yes Dr. Phil I would like to tell you were you can stick this motivational weight loss book.....

But wait? What happens when I am feeling as blue as a sad county song and in the mood to rethink my life and I don't have a nice little list of questions laid out to analyze myself with?

What will I do when I say "now why in the world did I do that?" and Dr. Phil isn't there in perfect little paragraphs to lead my mind to the correct "how's that workin for ya" answers?

Good lord, this may actually take MORE time out of my schedule if I have to come up with the questions and the answers all on my own!

Ok, for now I will place it all back in the bookshelf but for the record I am going on a temporary self improvement and inner analyzation strike!

And Time Goes On....

I have suddenly realized that as time goes by and I get older I tend to spend more and more time reflecting on the past.

I remember being a twelve year old who was going on twenty....

Then a twenty year old, telling myself that I would buckle down, get serious and make something of myself by the time I was thirty.....

Now that thirty-five is on the horizon I find it comical that I am desperately avoiding the fact that I will be forty (faster that I can blink) wishing that I was twelve again.

It doesn't help that my children look at me like 34 is "SOOOOOO OLD!" Mother, you have my apologizes right now for all the times in my childhood that I did that to you......

Remember twelve, without a care in the world? (much less contemplating retirement plans.) Where did all the lazy summer afternoons go?

I remember when my big exciting weekend consisted of a few girlfriends, the roller rink and the unlimited possibilities of a slow skate with a cute boy.

I am momentarily missing my youth.....

A new Craft Project

A batik reversable fabric bowl with verigated fringe that I made for my sister Leslie. Lea has one on order but it's not finished yet.

A quilt for a special day

This is a wedding quilt that I made for my sister-in-law Nicole. Each guest signed a leaf at the reception. This was a lot of work and my first attempt at free motion quilting but it was more than worth it in the end.

All Hail The Moisture of The Pacific Northwest!

It feels so good to be back in Washington! For the first time in a year and a half I don't feel the need to drown myself in a vat of Aveeno!

So much has been going on since we arrived that I am not even unpacked, and for the moment I have given up trying. That will all have to wait for another day. Now that the holidays are over and we are back to normal work and school schedules I hope to buckle down and get my life organized. My husband would cringe at this because that means I will attempt to organize "his" life as well. Oh well, he will survive, he always does.

The kids are great. The dogs are half grown. The husband is sexy and fabulous as always. I am surviving the terminally ill energy reserves and working hard to keep positive and upbeat. It's a crazy wonderful life and the boys have had us in stitches over the holidays. It's been great spending so much time together.

My thought for the day: Every family should take the initiative to turn off the phone, realize that your friends will still be there next week, that your obligations can momentarily be bumped (in essence life will continue if you ignore it for a week) and COMPLETELY focus on each other. Here is what I learned.... I still deeply love my husband and find him extremely sexy ruffled from a night of sleep staggering through the kitchen at six am to make me coffee. That my oldest son is a world champion connect four player and my youngest son's favorite drink is "root beard". That making dinner together can be a form of foreplay. That a seven year old can feel "glum" and need a kiss from mom and everyone can laugh and make a game out of cleaning up three rolls of shedded toilet paper from the dumbest and most adorable dogs on earth. That if your not carefull your own mother can beat you at your favorite video game (but strangely you will admire her for it.) What was the best thing I learn over the last couple of weeks? That all three of my men think that I am fabulous and have no problem telling me why and THAT feels pretty darn good...


Hope to catch up with all of you soon!

PS
I still have hair! Not a lot but a far cry from "The Donald" (:

All Hail Adobe!

My sister Leslie gave me a wondeful gift. Adobe photoshop!!! I have spent far too much time playing around with it. Dishes? What dishes? Laundry? What's that?