Poor Poor Pitiful Me...

This is how I was feeling for the last week. My closest friends have listened to me whine and cry but I want you to know that I am officially "over it."

Let's recap for a second and then I will tell you my profound obervation about my life.

1) I have severe RA
2) I have lost a lot of hair due to medication
3) My Liver is going wacky because of the meds
4) The high steroids are making me gain A LOT of weight
5) As a self declared needle-phobic, I must have self injections
6) I recently had very painful and messy sinus surgery
7) My neighbors hate our dogs and are causing me tremendous undue stress
8) MRI's have shown that the bones in my feet are already degenerating
9) The joints in my hands are deteriorating
10) I have been told that by "midlife" I will probably be in a wheel chair
11) My left upper sinus passage collapsed and I have to go back in February for a graft to fix it.
12) My hands hurt so bad that I can barley hold a book anymore to read which is my favorite pastime much less grate cheese or any number of cooking tasks and I love to cook
13) I am fatigued to the point of tears about 50% of the time.
14) I have been instructed that I can no longer use my treadmill or take long walks.

Ok, so obviously I have been through a few things this year that could allow me a little self pity from time to time. Keeping my "chin up" has been harder as of late. Realizing that I may not get to do all of the things with my children and husband that I was looking forward to doing as they got older has really been what's bugging me the most. Can my life be modified? Sure. Is it ok to be sad for a bit because it has to be modified? Yes. That is what the last couple of weeks have been and I realize that it will probably happen again from time to time.

So on to my profound observation while looking at the list above........

"So What"

1) I don't have a life ending form of cancer
2) Wigs are not nearly as itchy as they use to be
3) At least my Liver is still working
4) I have a real SOLID reason to make myself stick to a healthy diet
5) My husband has agreed to give me my injections
6) At least I can breathe out of half of my nose like I am suppose too
7) Most problems can be solved eventually
8) Walking Canes have needed updating for a long time, I am thinking tortoise shell with a crystal swaorski handle
9) At least my hands are still working 75% of the time.
10) I have just enough spunk left in me to fight a wheelchair until the bitter end. Then I will deck it out in a fashion fit for a queen and hire a cute pool boy to push me around.
11) In February I will be able to breathe through both sides of my nose
12) I will find other passionate hobbies that are not as painful. Or I will do the ones I love for shorter lengths of time.
13) At least I can do what must be done. My kids are fed and wearing clean clothing.
14) I will sell the treadmill and buy something really really cool!

Some things are out of my control. Giving up that feeling of control can be difficult because resisting is human nature. Letting go allows me to move forward. Change will teach me a lot about myself. Pushing past my limits is called growth. Learning to live with my limitations is how I gain control over them. My fear is what will limit me the most. I will learn to let go of my fears. Things happen; there isn't always an answer to the question "why." Sometimes I will just have to find the courage to go with the flow.