The Eternal Quest for Health

I would like you to meet a new person in my life: Her name is Carolyn. She is fifty-plus and the epitome of good health and blond ambition. She is my new aquatics instructor. She looks innocent enough, grandmotherly even. I believe, although this has never been confirmed, that she has a military background. This presents itself in class with stern orders to move our bodies more quickly and to "feel the burn".

Considering the time of day that my schedule allows me to take this class, I am the youngest member of the pool bouncers. Imagine if you will a melody of music reminiscent of an afternoon with my grandparents listening to an AM station. Lycra clad bodies moving more quickly than the twenty minute shuffle from the showers to the pool would allow you to envision. Carolyn is determined that these mildly arthritic pool goers will keep themselves mobile by pushing past their limits.

She has lofty dreams. The group of ladies to my left have their hair perfectly combed and make-up expertly applied. Their diamond earrings shine brightly in the overhead lights. Their husbands are no doubt enjoying this time to bask in sunshine on the golf course. Water would not have the nerve to splash in their faces or disrupt the scent of their perfume. They chat during Carolyn's rhythmic boot camp and wonder if the coffee upstairs will still be fresh while gently swishing their bodies in our wakes.

The group to my right are indeed in the water for the exercise, determined to fight the war against time and skin elasticity. My favorite is the woman with tight white curls and a home made swimsuit. She informed me on the first day I was there that the best thing about water aerobics was "during the class, everything that jiggles is under water where no one can see." Amen Grandma! This group audibly groans during the deep water routine but continue to march at Carolyns polka beat. Carolyn is their hero.

There is one lone gentlemen in our group, his name is George and he is quite the hit with the ladies. He has found his heavenly dating ground and winks at them prospectively between sets. He is the highlight of my day. When Carolyn shouts out a boisterous "give me a whoo hoo" he sinkers and gives his best "sick moose call", or his self professed "dying dog". I can't help but laugh during my "moguls to the north wall." We like each other. I like his spunk, he likes my cleavage. If you are seventy-five and can still hit on a woman in a pool during water aerobics you are "the man". Miss so and so with twelve grandchildren is going to go to coffee with him after class. I wish him the best.

Now back to Carolyn and myself. The fact of the matter is this. Carolyn LOVES what she does. She lives for it. She has not had a lot of gratification in the mid morning class until I came along. I am now her personal project. She knows that I have no excuse but to keep up with her. I tried to explain that the reason I was there was because I was diagnosed with Rhumatoid Arthritis and I needed a moderate low impact workout. My goal was to ease into and through the pain. My interpretation of "ease into" and hers were entirely different. I am now positioned in the center of the class directly in front of Carolyn. I am now expected to to show newcomers the proper form of the "washing machine" and the "cross county" and the "underwater mogul". While she moves her body ten times faster than the beat of our era appropriate music.

Thank you Carolyn. Thank you for not letting me quietly slip into class and leave with Jello legs at the end of my hour without appreciating the scene around me. Thank you for reminding us that if we don't double step our "rocking horse" that our bottoms will continue to jiggle until we die. Thank you for screaming "give me all you got ladies" in your best drill sergeant voice while we float in seven foot water holding our tiny white foam dumbbells, pressing our abs to our spine and our feet to the ceiling. Thank you Carolyn for pointing out that you didn't get your size five figure by eating Krispy Creams while watching TV all day. The world needs a few more "Grandmothers" like you. I will see you in class on Monday, front and center! (saluting)